desperate

i am really tired. i really feel dumb. i still can handle this level of stress, just cannot find the way out.

i read my previous yahoo blog. i used to write so much. so easily to express myself then. really don't understand how i did it.

i really really need some one to talk to. even my bf is too busy for me. i really need to shout and throw things and go crazy with the witness of some one.

but at any moment, i am just a loner. a true loner who doesn't dare and want to open up. just waiting for some one to approach me. since i am too tired to give way and understand people, why don't they understand me? why should I smile and forgive? why should i am always the person who sms, who writes email, who calls, not the other way round?

well, it is irony that the person who approaches me is not the person i feel comfortable with. but the person who approaches me is not who will comfort me but need my comfort. i give him my time, not he gives me his time.

now turn on the phone, don't know who to message. turn one the chat messenger, don't know who to chat. i think i am such a loser in this area.