[he-s]

Talked to an old friend today. It has been a very long time since the last time we met each other.

He made me wonder if he used to have a crush on me. I have never had that kind of thought, simply because it is too silly.

But from outsiders' view, it seems like that. Today he told me he still keeps a gift for me. He wanted to give me four years ago but didn't have chance. He even went to my house, intended to pass me the gift but couldn't meet me. It seems so weird to me now and made me wonder what really happened. Our relationship has never been that kind. We talked to each other because we were both heart-pained at that time. He also never sent out any hint. Maybe I am wrong. I am just curious. But I will not ask the question this time. It is just no point asking while we all have a partner.

[11.11.2012: Few months ago, I talked to him and jokingly asked him if he had had a crush on me. He responded me with a question "Can I not answer your question?". I replied "Yes, you can". The answer seems not important anymore. I was just too vain. The vanity of a young girl]

This friend made me think of another friend. It is also a long long time when he stopped contacting me. At that time, there was one time I really thought that he had something with me. Again, he never gave any hint (or was I too indifferent to recognize? at that time, all my mind was with that one). He just said he missed me a lot and wanted to see me. I analyzed the line as from a good friend to a good friend.  After working, he just disappeared from my life. I really missed him as a friend. I missed the kind of message he sent me like "i go for holiday now, happy holiday to you" (knowing that I had no holiday). He also emailed me a lot. He was always the person starting the conversation. Is it the reason he disappeared? Since I have never shown any excitement toward him, I just received. I was just too passive. But I was really happy. Just like losing a person who would sometimes come and knock "are you still alive? i miss you". Just like that.

There is one more person. That one is purely a friend. But I can be 90% sure that he used to or still have a crush on me. That time I had been with my deer. Now still talking to each other sometimes. He is also a kind asking "are you still alive?".

There is one thing. They all wanted to chat with me online and I always hid. I just really do not do not want to chat. I do not like chatting. I prefer emailing. Maybe this is the reason the second friend left me. Just I had nothing to chit chat with them. But I am really happy and appreciate their presence.